It’s hard not to categorize all men into a box. When all your experiences with them and all the experiences of the people around you with them, seem to be negative. While I know not all men are the same, I sometimes like to write from a place where I view them all as such. Here’s to females relating to other females through the shared experiences of dealing with men who don’t know what they want & the ones who drag you along while they figure it out 🍻
Did you get what you needed
I know what it feels like to need the attention of someone
Did you need more than what I could give
How many people have you gone through
I wonder if you’ve stayed up at night wondering if you were ever good enough
Have you ever cried at the thought that you were never going to be easy to love
Better yet I wonder if you ever think about love as deeply as I do
Like do you care if you ever get the chance to experience something bigger than yourself
Do you ever think about the people you’ve hurt
Do you ever wonder about me
I could probably write a whole novel about short lived interactions I’ve had with people. Small moments that come and go are somehow the most memorable. Yet they are the ones that often times get distorted overtime. Two people who share the same interactions can remember them completely different, neither one wrong just simply different from one another. Here’s my recollection of that night…
It was New Year’s Eve. I wore my plunging V neck dress. You had on a black leather jacket, not the ones that most people my age wear to be cool but the ones that people in their late twenties wear because its practical evening wear and doesn’t call too much attention to itself. I kept smiling because I was nervous and knew that after four dates and with it being New Year’s Eve, we would finally share our first kiss that night.
I felt your gaze more than ever. I just kept on nervously smiling and looking away. It wasn’t until you told me that you wanted to kiss me that I pulled myself together with fake confidence and said “fine”. I had planned to be romantic and hold off on kissing you until midnight but you couldn’t wait and I was too nervous to let that weigh on me the rest of the night. I took charge, as I often do when I have no clue what I am doing. We found ourselves on the staircase. The only private place two eager young adults could find in a loud, crowded Latin club. I took your Stella and placed it on the floor next to my Tokyo tea. I wanted our hands free of distractions. This was my attempt at trying to be as romantic as one can be at a club on New Year’s Eve. It was there, at the top of a dark staircase that we shared our first kiss. Me holding onto your face,while you held me by the waist. It started off like any normal, make out session but by the end I found myself laughing because it didn’t seem to be coming to an end and you just kept going. Eventually I pushed away to catch my breath, smiled at you and handed you your drink. For the rest of the night we kissed several more times than I can remember and you danced for the first time ever to Latin music.
Haveces dejamos que los hombres nos hagan sentir que no tenemos derecho a tomar tanto de sus tiempo. Nos dejamos convertir en entrenamiento para lograr convencer los que deben invertir en nosotras. No nos damos cuenta que lentamente empezamos a tomar más interés en las cosas que les gustan a ellos y dejamos de cultivar nuestros propios intereses. Jamas se nos ocurre reclamar les que ellos no hacen lo mismo por nosotras.
Los hombres son rápidos para decirnos cosas dulces sin en verdad sentir las. Jamás e pensado que los hombres me decían cosas bonitas tan Solo por querer avanzar sus propios planes o peor por solo hablar. Nunca pensé que no podía tener confianza en un hombre que hablaba con migo todos los días, que me hacia sentir que en verdad me quiere conocer. Pero después de tantas veces de intentar hablar y conocer los, tantas veces de pensar que esta vez sí iba avanzar,ya no les tengo confianza en sus palabras. Han pasado demasiadas veces que ellos me han hecho sentir desechable y sin darme una explicación ya no se puede perdonar o justificar. Hací que esto es un mensaje para todos los hombres llenos de pura mierda, ya dejen de chingar con migo. Dejen de pretender, mandado me mensajes todos los putos días de la semana para solo dejar de hablarme (sin ninguna explicación) cuando ya estén conforme con la información que han aprendido de mi. Ustedes jamás fueron dignos para tomar tanto de mi tiempo y creo que ustedes mismos lo supieron. Haci que gracias por haber me hecho un gran favor en dejarme atrás. Por qué sola avanzaré más fuerte conmigo misma.
The following is written as I suffer from menstrual cramps. My lower abdomen hurts, I am hungry but can’t eat (if I do I will Inevitably puke). To put it simply I am in pain and I am angry so what I’ve written is a reflection of that anger
It’s easy to judge and question the actions that many women take. It’s understandable to wonder why we are the way that we are. Before you try to dismiss us as “crazy” you have to remember that from a young age girls are taught to shrink themselves down to be accepted.
Social media and pop culture portrays women as overly emotional beings, so as we get older we start to worry when these emotions begin to show. We try to play things off, act like we aren’t hurt when really we are. We stop ourselves from reacting in the only one of two ways we’ve been depicted as. We refuse to be hurt and damaged women who cry over men. We exhale to control the rage that wants to boil over, hoping to avoid the role of the crazy female who is ready to slash a mans tires. Rather than to give into the expectations, we try to fool ourselves into believing that we are okay.
It’s not until later on when we can no longer keep up the charade that we end up breaking down to the only people we can truly be ourselves with. Our best friends and the relationships we have with our female sisters is nothing less than magic. It provides us with truth,honesty, and safety. We can be ourselves without fear of judgment. You can find yourself crying ,yelling, and laughing all in the span of a few minutes. They can handle us when weak men can’t. They have felt the same familiar struggles and know the importance of being allowed to feel.In a group of my female counterparts I have never felt the need to shrink myself down and for that I am forever grateful.
The following is written as I suffer from menstrual cramps. My lower abdomen hurts, I am hungry but can’t eat (if I do I will Inevitably puke). To put it simply I am in pain and I am angry so what I’ve written is a reflection of that anger.