The problem with writing is that It takes you to places that you don’t want to revist. It makes you painfully aware of how sad you didn’t realize you were. I try to avoid it sometimes, months turn into years but eventually I always end up writing. No amount of alcohol or drugs can keep me from spilling my feelings out. No matter how busy I try to stay, I am constantly reminded of how deeply I feel.
When you avoid part of who you are it goes on to later allienate you from others. The others who have yet to see all aspects of you. It creates a vicious cycle of feeling like you don’t belong. I’d like to think we are all writers, that if we shared our stories with one another we’d find that we have more in common than just music and people. We’d discover how we both plan out conversations in our heads with people we’ve never spoken to, incase the circumstance should arise.
For the most part I try not to hide who I am, but it’s hard to be transparent when you’re constantly told that the transparency you seek is a flaw.
The following is written as I suffer from menstrual cramps. My lower abdomen hurts, I am hungry but can’t eat (if I do I will Inevitably puke). To put it simply I am in pain and I am angry so what I’ve written is a reflection of that anger
It’s easy to judge and question the actions that many women take. It’s understandable to wonder why we are the way that we are. Before you try to dismiss us as “crazy” you have to remember that from a young age girls are taught to shrink themselves down to be accepted.
Social media and pop culture portrays women as overly emotional beings, so as we get older we start to worry when these emotions begin to show. We try to play things off, act like we aren’t hurt when really we are. We stop ourselves from reacting in the only one of two ways we’ve been depicted as. We refuse to be hurt and damaged women who cry over men. We exhale to control the rage that wants to boil over, hoping to avoid the role of the crazy female who is ready to slash a mans tires. Rather than to give into the expectations, we try to fool ourselves into believing that we are okay.
It’s not until later on when we can no longer keep up the charade that we end up breaking down to the only people we can truly be ourselves with. Our best friends and the relationships we have with our female sisters is nothing less than magic. It provides us with truth,honesty, and safety. We can be ourselves without fear of judgment. You can find yourself crying ,yelling, and laughing all in the span of a few minutes. They can handle us when weak men can’t. They have felt the same familiar struggles and know the importance of being allowed to feel.In a group of my female counterparts I have never felt the need to shrink myself down and for that I am forever grateful.
The following is written as I suffer from menstrual cramps. My lower abdomen hurts, I am hungry but can’t eat (if I do I will Inevitably puke). To put it simply I am in pain and I am angry so what I’ve written is a reflection of that anger.
If they want to come up with reasons for their inability to make up their mind about you then let them. While they are deciding and weighing out the options that their delusional minds think they have, start walking, leave, let them keep “thinking” by themselves.
You are too damn fly to wait around for some guy to step his half ass game up. Know that if they couldn’t keep up with you then, while you were simply standing still then what were they planning on doing when you started moving? You can’t drag people along, they have to want to go and honey they should know by now if they want to go.
You deserve to be wanted, you deserve some fucking effort, and if they can’t even reply to your text message then fuck them.
See they don’t know we were raised to be strong. How we were told it was good to be vulnerable at times. How we listened, when our mothers taught us the importance of giving.
Not all us women were taught to love the same way. Some of us were shown love early on and learned through examples. Some of us had to teach ourselves. My god did we have to teach ourselves.
We worked towards it. Looked to movies, books, poetry, listend to the experiences of others. Self love and love for others did not come easy to us.
They will never understand how more than willing we are to give them every ounce of knowledge we’ve acquired.
- So be strong enough to walk away
- know there’s no shame in being hurt
- you will learn to be vulnerable again
- It’s okay to take a break
- But don’t be afraid of starting over
I know you’re tired of giving so much of yourself away but you’re strong and you’ve survived worse.
Who is Vanessa Escamilla you ask? Well besides being one of my great friends she so happens to be a very talented human being. Vanessa is strong, Independent, and ridiculously talented. You don’t know her yet, but trust me when I say she will be a very well known name in the film industry. Right now she’s a college undergraduate working on small projects, but I can’t wait to see where her talents take her. Be sure to read a short review she wrote….
If you are reading this all I ask is that you please support your friends and their endeavors, we need to build each other up and support each other’s dreams. They don’t even gotta be your friends, just be supportive of those around you. Ya never know who might need a little encouragement or the places people could go if only someone showed a little intrest in their aspirations.✨
You are allowed to feel angry towards family and friends.
You are allowed to be fed up and tired of being put through the same shit, time and time again.
You are allowed to cry over political policies that affect you and even those that don’t.
Your feelings and your opinions matter, even if you sometimes chose to keep them to yourself.